Allowing Your Kids To Sleep In Your Bed Can Disrupt Sleep For All

It is something that nearly every parent deals with at some point or another—having their bed taken over by their children. While it may seem like a quick way to comfort your child in the middle of the night, allowing your kids to sleep with you in your bed can disrupt both your sleep and theirs.

There are many reasons why kids may want to sleep in your bed. Perhaps they have just been used to it for a long time and are only now getting to old for the habit. Some kids may be anxious sleepers and unable to fall asleep on their own, while others may come in the middle of the night for comfort from mom and dad when they can’t sleep. No matter what the reason—it is important to have a strategy that can help kids associate sleep time with their parents. If you are struggling with this on a nightly basis—or even just every once in a while, don’t feel alarmed. You are not alone. This is a very common issue that many parents have to deal with, but it doesn’t have to be. There are ways that you can start breaking this habit and start getting kids to sleep in their own bed once and for all.

Stick To a Plan

The first and most important thing for parents to do is to make a plan. The second thing to do is to make sure that they stick to the plan otherwise sleep regression may occur. Experts recommend that you make this plan in the day, when you’ve had some sleep and can get some perspective on the situation. If you have a set plan that you make in the middle of the day (when you aren’t tempted to fold on that plan due to a lack of sleep) it will be easier to execute at night. This is a great way to make sure that you aren’t making excuses for your little one and ultimately letting them in the bed.

Whether your plan is to move your child from your bed at a certain time before going to sleep, or coming up with a strategy for when they interrupt you in the middle of the night—a set plan is important. And both parents need to agree on it.

For Those Who Start Out In Their Bed

There are some kids that start out in their own bed, and then eventually end up sneaking into their parent’s room in the middle of the night. If this is the case with your little one, then there is a very specific approach you need to take in order to get your kids back on track and back to sleeping in your own bed.

The approach is simple—but it may mean a lot less sleep for parents the first few nights.

If your child comes in your room in the middle of the night because they can’t sleep or because they want to sleep with you, just calmly take their hand and walk them back into their bedroom. Give them a quick kiss or hug goodnight and then walk back to your bed. It is important that you do not react. Instead, just keep with your plan of calmly walking them out of your room as soon as they walk into your room. You may need to do this several times throughout the night in order to get the point across, but you need to stay diligent and you need to keep showing no emotion.

It can be easy to get upset, especially if you are tired and unable to get to sleep because of all of the interruptions—but you need to stay calm, cool and collected. Your child will be looking for some type of reaction from you, and you need to make sure you don’t give them one. Keep with this plan and if your child understands make sure that you tell them about your expectations during the day and what you expect them to do at night. You can even et up a chart or rewards system to help keep them motivated to keep sleeping in their bed and to stop waking you up in the middle of the night. Many kids will succeed with this type of positive reinforcement.

Of course, the real key to making this type of plan work is to make sure that you are diligent and that you don’t give in because you are tired or because your child has had a bad day. Consistency is key and it can be the key to keeping them out of your room for good!

The Phase Out Method

The “Phase Out” method, is a simple, yet popular approach to helping little ones start sleeping in their own bed. This is an approach for kids who have already been sleeping in their parent’s bed, but who need to start the process of sleeping in their own bedroom instead. If you try to abruptly change where your child is sleeping—it can completely backfire on you, and it can make it very difficult for your child to feel comfortable enough to sleep in their own bed. You need to take your time to phase them out of sleeping in your room and into sleeping in their own.

The key is to make sure that your child feels safe in their own bedroom. For many parents, this process starts with putting their child to sleep in their own room and their own bed,and sleeping on the floor next to that child for the first few nights. Over time, the parent should gradually decrease their presence in their child’s bedroom. For some parents, this means moving from sleeping on the floor, to sitting in the room until they fall asleep, or just waiting by the door until their child drifts off. The goal of the phase out method is to show your child that they can fall asleep on their own and that there is nothing to be afraid of.

This will give them confidence in the fact that their parents will check on them and that they don’t need to be afraid. The most important step in making sure that this process works is to keep the parent’s room off limits for the child until they are able to sleep on their own. This includes snuggle time and nap time. The goal should be to help kids build confidence and to really start to understand that their bed is where they should be sleeping at night.

The Bedtime Pass System

The Bedtime Pass System is another popular approach to getting kids to sleep in their own bed and is typically most effective for older children, such as those who are in preschool (or older). The “pass” system helps to teach accountability and responsibility, while still teaching children the importance of sleeping in their own be.

Here’s how it works:

Every night, the child will get one “pass” to leave their bedroom after they have been put to sleep. That can be for a hug, a glass of water or to tell their parents something. But they only get one.

When kids are limited to only one “leave” or “pass” during the night, they will start to use their problem solving skills in order to really think about whether or not they want to get up and leave their rooms or not. Over time, most kids ultimately stop using the passes all together, after spending enough time thinking about and debating on how they want to use their one “pass.”

Parents need to be strict and consistent with this and enforce the one pass a night rule so that kids learn that they need to sleep in their own beds and that they can’t just get up as often as they want in the middle of the night. This is a great option for little ones who like to get up and be “around the action” when they feel like everyone else is awake in the house while they’re supposed to be sleeping.

Make Your Child’s Room Sleep-Friendly

There are many kids who don’t want to sleep in their own bed—because their room just isn’t the right sleeping environment. Before you start looking into other approaches to helping your child sleep in their own room—make sure you pay attention to the room itself. Make sure that you have a soothing environment for your child that won’t instigate any nighttime fears or nightmares. The room should be relaxing, calm, quite and comfortable. Of course, this can be different for every child. Some kids may like music playing at night, while others may prefer white noise—and some may sleep best without any noise at all.

Some children will prefer stuffed animals, or a night light or even a favorite toy. You need to do some experimenting to find what keeps your child calm and comfortable so that they find their bedroom to be a relaxing place where it is easy to fall asleep—not a place that makes them feel scared or uncertain.

Create Clear Expectations

If you expect your child to sleep in their bed at night—then you need to make sure that those expectations are clear. Talk to your child during the day—when you have both had time to rest, about what your expectations are with their sleeping habits.

You should be kind but direct and let them know that they need to start sleeping in their own bed. You should also reassure them and let them know there is nothing to be afraid of and that they are strong enough and brave enough to sleep on their own. Make sure they know that sneaking into your bed in the middle of the night will not be tolerated. You can say “if you get scared and want to come in our bed, mommy or daddy will just walk you back to your room, so it’s best if you stay in your bed tonight to get good rest.”

Take It One Step At a Time

Most parents hope that they can get their little one to sleep in their bed with one quick trick.  However, this likely isn’t going to be the case. You need to be patient and you need to take the process one step at a time. You are likely going to have a setback or two and you are likely going to be met with some protest. Remember, if your child has been sleeping in your bed for a long time, it can be a very hard transition to get to sleeping on their own. There are many kids who have been sleeping with their parents for as long as they can remember—so the idea of sleeping alone seems very foreign and terrifying. Don’t try to spring everything on your child at once. Be consistent. Take it slow and stay diligent with your efforts—it will all be worth it in the end.

Establish a Bedtime Routine

Bedtime routines are so important for any kid—especially when helping them get ready for bed. However, a bedtime routine can also help your little one if they are struggling to stay in their own bed throughout the night.

The bedtime routine can be anything you want it to be like reading a book, but it needs to be the same every night and it needs to include soothing, and relaxing activities that take place in your child’s bedroom (where they are supposed to be sleeping). This can include reading books, taking a bath or playing with a certain stuffed animal or toy. It should not include any technology or watching TV.

If you establish this bedtime routine and stick to that routine each and every night, your child will really start to get the hang of it. Bedtime will become more expected and they won’t fight you as much on when they have to go to bed (and most importantly where they get to sleep) as getting to sleep in their own bed at the right time will just become part of their day.

Enjoy Quality Sleep When Your Child Sleeps In Their Own Bed

When your child prefers to sleep in your bed at night (instead of their own) it can come with a whole bevy of issues. Co-sleeping can interrupt kids sleep routine and prevent everyone from getting the quality rest that they know. While it is common for parents to feel bad for their child when they want to sleep in their parent’s bed, it is important to stay firm with your efforts to get kids to sleep on their own. When kids are able to sleep safely and comfortable in their own bed—it is best for everyone! Just make sure to have some patience and stick to the tips we talked about above and it can come with time.

Lisa Czachowski is a professional social blogger and has worked on several online publications including Citrus Sleep. Lisa is an experienced content writer and copyeditor. You will find many of her works throughout CitrusSleep.com that cover a wide array of subjects including sustainability, natural, sleep products, health, fashion and many more. She is passionate about what providing as much information as possible on products you bring in your home and what we wear.

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